Interests:Peole, places and things any of them that I have the time for..
Expertise:Im still working on that one but my goal is to be an expert student of life!
the ties that bind and gag comes to mind when I think of parts of mine..or do i have to call them mine..they are afterall not blood ties. They are inherited via marriage..if you had a chance to look ahead into the future and see just what that "family" package included would you change anything..ive wondered that on more than one occasion..the answer is always the same NO why because even though they are nuts and a pain in the ass if I changed it I would not have the most wonderful daughter I could ask for. I am bless where she is concerned.
My little baby is not a baby anymore shes almost 11 and soaring to the top of the world. Shes tech savy, and far wiser than her 10 years should allow. I tried hard to provide a buffer and keep her from being exposed to much of the insanity my husband calls family...but wasnt always succesful thankfully the little old woman stuffed inside her provides her a level of wisdom to deal with the things that have been thrown at her.
We went to her teacher conference and this year she is #1 in her class. She is a joy plain and simple. She has already formed opinions that are her own and voices them with no problem. I am trying very hard to make sure she has an understanding of self esteem and teach her that being respected and having self respect are both important. Time passes so quickly it seems like just yesterday my kids were babies but today they boys are all young men and my baby girl is not such a baby anymnore..but she still lets me call her baby :)
Its funny how time and situations create a need for escape. Ok so maybe it isnt funny I just couldnt think of another word. Ironic would probably be a better word. I used to spend hours upon hours trolling around Xanga and my friends blogs keeping up on what was going on and posting my own. As things calmed down if they ever really did I didnt feel like i had so much to say or to blog and felt like it was pointless. I didnt want to be another of those blogs that someone reads and says what was the point of that...but then every once and awhile I would come back just to read not comment...lately I feel its the only place left thats safe for me. The only place my family or "friends" if you want to call them that can find me.
Its so hard being the one that everyone runs to the one everyone blames, everyone wants to save them...i finally came to a point where I just couldnt take it anymore. I have so much stuff of my own right now I just said enough. That makes me the bitch it makes me bad..how can I do that when its my SIL or my Step children..or my whoever...I have to...I didnt cause the problem I didnt create the situation and I can not fix it so why expect me to keep feeling sorry for the people who continue to create their own drama.
Its ironic to that if I need someone to be there to listen everyone is to busy or half listens. Its like what I have to say isnt important or what i have to say isnt really true. It gets old and it made me reailze that those seem to be the type of people drawn into my life and i need to weed them out family or not...extended family that is...but not in the true sense of the word. Their idea of family is warped and not what I want or need. I joked more than once to be careful what you wish for...i guess always wanting and wishing for a real family was not the best of wishes...
Ive learned to put distance between myself and those that would drag me into their muck but that doesnt mean it makes it sting any less when they spin the truth and flat out lie for whatever their twisted purpose is. It isnt my job to babysit an alcoholic woman who doesnt want help or to coddle adult children who refuse to behave in a responsible way when they have kids. There comes a time when you have to take the safety net away and just let whatever happens happen...this seems to be that time...once your an adult you can blame everything on everyone but you eventually have to take responsiblity for your own life
all i can say is wow have i really had this blog that long over 2718 days amazing..and i havent used it since may. I dont have a real reason i have a lot to say but its all just rolling around in my head where it tends to get lost. If I dont write it down when it hits me then its lost forever much like that question somoene asked or the location of an item..my memory sucks..i went back and read a lot of my old blogs and was amazed at how it still managed to stir my thoughts to this day i have not shared this blog with anyone and i doubt that i will. I may post an occasion bite of it on my facebook or myspace but nothing that would bare stirp my soul that raw so that those who would use it against me had lots of ammo..you cant cant always clear your life of clutter the way you could a house. You have people in in sometimes who you would much rather do without and for that i have a have of saftey Xanga..
Your Momma....why is it that when things are calm and going well there always has to be that one person be it at work or in family that absoultely can not live without the drama. I have had enough of it to last me ten lifetimes. I expected some when I took the promotion at work and once that passed i knew it wouldnt take long for it to end up popping up at home...as addictions go its right up there at the top in my book...and i have to just say no...family or not...so far so good...it might get me labeled yet again as the "bitch" but ive had about as much of it as I care to deal with.
I grew up in an alcoholic home with no mom and two older brothers there was constant drama...once I was out on my own it continued in my life with my ex..we had 3 sons together but rarely a drama free moment....it continued on and off for a very long time..till finally enough was enough..i no longer feel like I have to allow myself to be sucked into it just for the sake of keeping peace...i can just say no ..enough and I have and it feels a whole lot less stressful...when someone in our family starts the usual I just say you know what its not necessary to go there so lets just drop it....
When the alcoholic SIL wants to start I simply dont answer the phone or tell her flat out when you hit your rock bottem and are ready to get help I will be there but till then save the drama for someone else...dont call me crying and drunk, dont come here drunk...just dont...i wont put up with it....
It seems to be working for now...and hopefully it will remain that way
